People choose abstinence for different reasons. Some people choose to remain abstinent due to religious beliefs. Others simply do not feel ready for the complications of sex. Some people have previously engaged in sexual activity and, for whatever reason, want to stop having sex for a period of time. Whatever your reason, it should be respected if it feels right for you. [1] X Research source It can sometimes help to write thoughts out. Periodically journaling the reasons you chose abstinence can help remind yourself that you made the right choice. [2] X Research source
In regards to personal health, abstinence has many benefits. It is the only 100% foolproof method to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. In terms of mental health, abstinence eliminates the anxiety and depression than can accompany having sex too soon or with the wrong person. [3] X Research source Abstinence can also strengthen the emotional aspects of a romantic relationship. When you’re not focused on the physical aspects of the relationship, this can sometimes result in deeper conversations. You might end up getting to know your partner better by waiting to have sex. [4] X Research source Many people also find when they’re not so hyper-focused on sexual activity they end up concentrating on their career, school, or outside projects more. [5] X Research source
If a situation is difficult, it’s okay to remove yourself for a moment. If a television show is very sexual, change the channel. If you’re making out with your partner and feel tempted, pause for a moment. [6] X Research source If you feel tempted to have sex, asking yourself a few questions can help. What will happen if I have sex with this person? Will I really feel good about myself? Is this truly worth breaking my commitment to abstinence? Am I really ready to have sex? Is this person making me feel pressured?
If you’re practicing abstinence for religious reasons, many churches offer weekly meetings or occasional seminars to discuss the benefits of abstinence. Try attending some of these meetings and see if you can exchange phone numbers with fellow churchgoers. You can engage in activities outside of church that can help keep your minds off sex. There are many forums online where you can discuss abstinence. If you’re shy about discussing your decision in person, going online can help. This can also be helpful if you’re not necessarily practicing abstinence for religious purposes.
It’s important to be as straightforward as possible. Many people do not understand why someone would practice abstinence and how they manage to keep sexual desires in check. Explain to your partner why practicing abstinence is important to you, what reasons you have for doing so, and how abstinence will affect your romantic relationship. There are different levels of abstinence. Some people do not want any physical contact, including kissing and hand-holding. Others allow kissing, making out, and some light touching but no activity that could lead to orgasm. Some people practice an “everything but” approach, only abstaining from activities that involve genital to genital contact or penetration. Explain to your partners where your boundaries lie and what is and is not acceptable contact on your terms. Your partner might be unsure how to support you, so talk about what you like to do instead of having sex. Talk about planning fun date nights that limit sexual temptation. Things like hiking together, volunteering together, and attending events with friends and family members can help you both avoid temptation and respect one another’s boundaries.
Taking time to talk can help. Without the pressure to fill time with sex, you can spend late nights sharing stories and discussing ideas and opinions on a wide variety of topics. [7] X Research source Touching can help with intimacy. Snuggling, holding hands, kissing, and generally remaining physically connected to your partner can foster feelings of intimacy without sexual activity. [8] X Research source
No one should ever pressure you into having sex. If your partner says things like, “If you loved me, you would sleep with me” or “If we’re not having sex, people with think there’s something wrong with you” then you’re being pressured. If even your partner does not share your views on abstinence, he or she should acknowledge your boundaries without judgment. If you’re in a situation where you’re being continually pressured, especially in a judgmental way, it’s best to end the relationship. You should not stay with someone who does not respect your values.
Masturbation can be good for mental and physical health. People who masturbate regularly tend to be more comfortable with their bodies and have lower stress levels. You will also be more familiar with the workings of your body. This means you’re more likely to be able to detect abnormalities in your genitals. [9] X Research source People can masturbate with their hands alone via rubbing, touching, or otherwise fondling their genitals. There is no right or wrong way to do so. Simply follow what feels good to you. You can also use toys, such as dildos, to enhance the experience. These can be purchased online or at sex shops. [10] X Research source Sexual fantasies can enhance the experience of masturbation. You can watch pornography or read erotica to help you get in the mood. [11] X Research source If your moral code does not support masturbation, then do not feel pressured to masturbate, especially as solo sex is still sex in the eyes of God.
Dance Exercise Shop Cook Play video games Any other activities you enjoy[12] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source
Deep, passionate kissing Cuddling Showering together Mutual masturbation[13] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source The latter two may not be permissible if you are staying abstinent for religious reasons, as one should flee from sexual temptation.
