You don’t have to talk about the big, serious stuff every day. Talk about the little things. Tell your parents what cool thing you saw today or what made you think. If you learn to talk about the little stuff, talking about the bigger stuff won’t seem like such a big deal.
For example, say your sister borrows something without asking and breaks it. An immature response would be to yell at her, tell her she’s awful, and that she needs to fix it. A mature response would be to confront her calmly. You could say, “I’d appreciate it if you’d ask to borrow things in the future. That item was really important to me. Would you please help me repair it?”
It also means doing things like getting your homework done on time without being nagged by your parents. You could also volunteer to take care of your siblings so your parents can have a night out or cook dinner as a surprise for your parents.
For instance, maybe your specific goal is to be able to go out on Friday nights with your friends. Alternatively, maybe your goal is to go to the library to study by yourself or to go to the mall with your friends. Maybe your goal is to walk or drive to school by yourself.
If you choose a bad time, your parents probably won’t be as able to hear what you have to say. You could say, “I’d like to discuss something important with you. When would be a good time for us to sit down together?”
For example, you could say, “I feel like I need more independence. I’ve been wanting to go out with my friends on Friday nights for a while, but I know you have concerns about it. However, I feel like I’m ready to do some things on my own. " Using “I” statements is better than saying, “You never let me do anything. " That will just put your parents on their guard.
If your parents have been limiting your independence, it’s likely because they are worried about your safety. Let them know you understand what they’re feeling. You could say, “I know you care about me and that’s why you don’t want me to go out. I know you just want me to be safe, and I’m thankful for that. "
For example, if your parents are concerned about your safety, ask what you can do that would make them feel better. Maybe you could check in every hour to let them know you’re safe. Maybe they’d feel better if they get to meet the people you’re going out with. Figure out ways you can both feel better.
For example, if your parents don’t think you’re ready to go out by yourself, you could say, “I’m sorry to hear that. I feel upset about it. How can I work to gain your trust?”
Instead, pick a time when your parents seem to have time to talk, such as at dinner or when they’re relaxing.
For example, you could say, “I’d like to go to a party at a local club. I know that worries you, but this club is just for kids under 18. They have security guards posted all around the club, and no drugs or alcohol are allowed. The club closes at midnight, and I will come home right after. I’ll also be with Jess, Joan, and John, and we will all watch out for each other. I can check in every hour if that makes you feel better. "
For instance, you could say, “Even though that upsets me, I understand why you said ’no. ’ I hope I can prove I’m trustworthy enough to go do something like this in the future. "
