Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations that generally others would not find overly stressful. Extreme worry about social situations for days, weeks, or even months beforehand. Intense fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you do not know. Avoiding social situations to a degree that limits your activities or disrupts or otherwise negatively impacts your life. Fear of humiliation. Fear that others will notice that you are nervous and react negatively.
Blushing Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing Nausea, or “butterflies” Shaky hands or voice Racing heartbeat Sweating Feeling dizzy or faint
Do you feel anxiety when you walk into a classroom? Is it the same for math class as it is for art class? Do certain people, like your boss or coworkers, trigger anxiety when you interact with them? Do you feel anxiety in social situations? Is it the same for a restaurant as for a concert? Is a group of close friends different than strangers?
Do you always sit by yourself at lunch, rather than asking to sit with others? Do you always turn down invitations to parties? Do you avoid family get-togethers? Do you avoid using public restrooms? Some other common triggers include:[3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Meeting new people Being the center of attention Being watched while doing something Making small talk Being called on in class Making phone calls Eating or drinking in public Speaking up in a meeting Attending parties
If you struggle to rank your fears, try assigning them numbers. Give a 1 to “scary” triggers, a 2 to “quite scary,” and a 3 to “terrifying. "
Remember that you get credit for just trying–you may need more than one attempt to succeed. Every ‘failure’ is one step closer to succeeding. People with anxiety tend to take an “all or nothing” approach–either you summon up the courage to ask to sit next to someone at the coffeeshop, or you fail forever. If you did not do it today, try again tomorrow or next week. You may have to break down big goals into little goals. For instance, if you are finding it difficult to ask to sit next to someone at the coffeeshop, you may need to find a smaller, related goal. Maybe smile at a stranger at the coffeeshop? Or sit kind of close to a stranger? For some people, it may be to even go in the cafe at all! Start with small, easily reached goals. It may be too daunting to even start at a “1”. It is better to gain confidence through baby steps than to try to bite off too much at once. Treat the list as cumulative. If you start feeling stressed and anxious, then take a short break before moving on. It’s okay to re-evaluate your goals and move at your own pace.
If you carry tension in your muscles, tighten your whole body for three seconds (including your hands, feet, jaw, neck, etc. ), then release. Do this two more times and feel the tension leave your body. Learn to recognize your body overreacting to feelings of anxiety and immediately practice calming yourself in those situations.
Inhale deeply through the nose for six seconds. Feel the breath moving down through your chest, into the pit of your stomach. As you breathe focus solely on the movement of air in and out of your body. Exhale slowly through your mouth for another six seconds. Repeat this exercise until you begin to feel calm again.
Even something as simple as “I can do this” will help you center yourself and feel confident.
Being a mind reader – You assume you know other people’s thoughts, and they are thinking negatively about you. Fortune telling – You attempt to predict the future by assuming a bad outcome. You “know” that something bad will happen so you feel anxious even before anything happens. Catastrophizing – You assume the worst situation can and will happen to you. Making it about you – You assume that others are negatively focusing on you or assume that what other people are doing or saying is about you.
For instance, if you are afraid to go to a party because everyone will notice that you’re nervous and sweating, try something like, “Wait a minute. I was invited to this party because these people are my friends and they want to see me and spend time with me. There will be tons of people there, do I really think I’m going to be the focus of their attention? Will my friends even care if they notice that I’m nervous?”
For instance, if you think, “No one really wants me to come to the party,” you can challenge that with: “They invited me, so obviously they want me at the party. The hostess even texted me yesterday to say she really hopes I can make it. " Then look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself: “I am funny and fun to be around, and anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend. " Other positive affirmations for someone dealing with social anxiety might be: “I am working to feel more comfortable with social situations every day. I know with practice and patience I will feel more comfortable in social situations. “[15] X Research source You can also write positive messages on sticky notes and put them around your house or stick them to your mirror.
When you notice yourself focusing on your thoughts or what people think of you, flip your attention away from yourself.
Open-ended questions allow the responder to say whatever she wants to say, without being confined to a simple yes or no. If you ask, “Do you want to see that movie?” it may not elicit as much of a response as “What do you think about that movie?”
Pay attention to your body language. This is a big factor in conversation, even though it is unspoken. Instead of looking over someone’s head, try to make eye contact. Listening intently also prepares you to ask good follow-up questions.
Learn to be okay with saying “No. " It can be very difficult for some people to say no, but saying yes or agreeing to something you can’t or don’t really want to do can cause stress and resentment. Take care of yourself and say “No” when you need to. Be direct, keep a neutral tone of voice and body language. Make your needs clear, and understand that being assertive doesn’t necessarily mean getting exactly what you want. [22] X Research source If you’re within a group at a meeting or at a party, try talking in a moderately louder voice than you usually do. Make eye contact and speak decisively. This projects confidence and will command presence.
Try learning your speech by heart. This will help you to avoid forgetting any important points on the day itself.
If you have to attend a large event, such as a party or conference, bring a close friend or family member along with you for support. Just having a familiar person close can make a huge difference in your confidence levels. If you start to feel overwhelmed, turn to your friend and try to keep your mind off your nerves.
Think of an activity that you enjoy, whether it’s knitting, horse riding, or running, and find a group of people in your area who share this interest. You will find it much easier to strike up a conversation with people who have similar interests to your own. If you get invited to a party or event, make sure you say yes. People with social anxiety tend to shy away from group gatherings, but this can cause you to feel even more isolated and unhappy. Make an effort to go to any social gathering (even if it’s only for half an hour). You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone if you want to get better.
