Take a moment to reflect. Here are some examples of big emotions you might be feeling: sad, tense, overwhelmed, ashamed, or guilty. Now, identify your feelings clearly in thoughts, on paper, or in words: “I’m feeling a little hopeless and embarrassed. ” Remind yourself that feelings don’t control you: “This is a temporary state of mind. I know how to express and process my emotions so they don’t run my life. ”
What feelings, thoughts, or limitations contributed to your decision? If someone else had made your choice in your shoes, could you understand why they’d have done it? Fight off negative self-beliefs. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m a weak person,” you might remind yourself that you work hard every day to do right by yourself and others. Try to comfort yourself like you would a pal: “I’m a good person. I’m doing my best, and that’s amazing—at the end of the day, that’s all anyone can ask of me. ”
Maybe you regret your divorce, but as a result, you have the freedom to move anywhere you want to; but before, this might not have been an option. [3] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Say you wish you hadn’t been a bad friend to someone. Now, though, as a result, you’ve finally learned to really value your important relationships. You probably still wish you’d acted differently. But with any choice you’d have made, there would be positives as well as negatives—there’s power in recognizing this.
Focus on honoring your values. Your life will feel more meaningful if you’re focused on your values—maybe family or service are top priorities. Do your best to incorporate them in your routine. Set goals. You can control the future in front of you—focus on that. A new career, relationship, or home might be a fulfilling new goal. Start working towards it! Redirect obsessive thoughts. Punishing yourself with ruminations doesn’t serve anyone, yourself included. When you start to spiral, pick up the phone, grab a crossword, or turn on the TV.
It probably doesn’t make sense to reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to since childhood. A more recent friend, though, might really appreciate your apology. Offer your apology but ask nothing in return: “I really regret what happened. For what it’s worth, I wish I’d treated you better. " Then, support your words with actions and commitment: “I wasn’t there for you when you needed it, but I promise to support you better in the future. "
You might have made friends who regret breakups or missed professional opportunities—reach out to them. There’s such a huge range of support groups that exist today. Search online for groups in your area, or for addiction, search with SAMHSA. A lot of people are wary of support groups, but research shows that they can work wonders. Even if you’re unsure, why not give it a try?
Try a morning journal session to start your day off on the right foot. If you notice that you’re having a particularly tough emotional day, treat yourself to a nice breakfast or sunny walk. When, through journaling, you notice that you’re having a great day, soak that in! In fact, list things you’re grateful for—this can make you feel more positive over time. Do your best not to judge yourself for whatever ends up on the page. This is a safe space that you created for yourself—honor that!
Get into exercise. Even just a little movement can have big benefits—go for a nice walk, enjoy a bike ride, or try out a little yoga with an online guide. Reach out to that friend who always makes you feel amazing (maybe they make you laugh, maybe they support you super well—either way, they’re great for bad days!). Put extra effort into your career. Take on an exciting new project, learn a new skill, or chase down a new job title.
Ask your friends for references. This can help you find someone great (and feel more comfortable going in, too). If you don’t jive super well with the first therapist you try, don’t give up. For a lot of people, it takes a few tries to find a professional that really helps.
Acknowledge the steps you’ve taken to improve things. Have you apologized? Have you tried to be better? Don’t ignore this; reflect on how hard it was to do these things. Think about who your regret serves. It’s not helping you, and it’s probably not helping anyone else, either. It might feel selfish to let go, but in reality, it’s not. Decide to forgive yourself. It might sound simple, but commit to this like any other life goal, and you’ll find it’s that much easier to do.
“The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself. ” “The simple truth is, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve forgiveness. ” “The only true way to create a more loving, productive, and fulfilling life is by forgiving the past. ”
