For instance, in childhood, you may have been neglected or abused by your parents, and, therefore, learned that you could not expect adults to help. Or, you may have been raised by adults who felt crippled by the system and unable to improve their lives (and had learned helplessness themselves). Reflect on your early experiences to identify the starting point of your beliefs. You may even ask friends or loved ones about your behavior to see if they can spot a common denominator that influenced who you are today.
Grab a notebook and write out some of your general beliefs about life. These might sound like “if you’re not born wealthy, you’ll never have wealth” or “good people always finish last. ” Take note of your self-talk by writing down thoughts you have along the lines of “I’m a loser,” “I’ll never get that promotion,” or “if I was beautiful, maybe guys would notice me. ”
For instance, from the earlier example, you believed “If you’re not born wealthy, you’ll never have wealth. ” If you allow this belief to take root, it may unfold just that way in your own life. You might mess up opportunities to make more money or stay in a constant cycle of debt.
For instance, you might think “I’m a loser. ” You might seek out evidence for or against this thought. Is this a factual thought? Are you jumping to conclusions? If you have any positive relationships in your life, that automatically discounts the notion that you’re a loser.
Let’s say, you were passed up for a promotion at work. You might immediately think, “my boss doesn’t like me. ” Take a step back, however, and try to see it another way. Perhaps the other person was simply more qualified. Or, maybe your boss passed you up because you don’t seem ambitious about being promoted.
Instead of saying “I’m stupid because I screwed up the report” say “I could have tried harder. Next time, I will. ” This allows you to base your successes on effort—which can always be enhanced—versus stable traits like stupidity.
Write out a list of positive characteristics about yourself. Dig deep, using both minor and major traits. These might include “I am financially savvy” or “I am good with details. ” Keep this list within reach whenever you start to doubt your worthiness.
Locate a therapist in your community who works with people with learned helplessness. Or, explain your circumstances to your primary care physician and ask for a referral.
Try the SMART goal strategy of setting goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. For instance, you might set a goal to increase your income by 25 percent within the next six months.
A daily action relating to your goal might be searching for side jobs or reducing your expenses to free up more money.
It may be nice to connect attractive rewards to each milestone that motivate you to get there. These might include a dinner out with your partner or family or a weekend away.
You might find such people by joining professional organizations or clubs relating to your interests.
To perform self-care, try including activities like meditation, journaling, napping, or taking warm bubble baths to your routine. You might also enjoy spending time in nature. Or, you can decompress by completing a page of an adult coloring book.
