For example, if you forget a friend’s birthday, you might feel guilty because friends are expected to remember and celebrate their friends’ birthdays. This is healthy guilt because it alerts you to something you failed to do that may damage your relationship with this person.
Especially pay attention to whether your guilt makes you focus on your mistakes, preventing you from celebrating your own success. [1] X Expert Source Catherine Boswell, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 December 2020. For example, if you feel guilty because you had to work on your friend’s birthday and could not attend her party, this would be an example of unhealthy guilt. If you are scheduled to work and cannot take time off for a birthday party, this is beyond your control. Your friend should understand that you had to miss her party in order to keep your job.
If you frequently struggle with guilt, it could have its roots in your childhood experiences. Try to think about whether you were frequently blamed for things that went wrong—then remind yourself that you don’t have to play that role anymore. [2] X Expert Source Catherine Boswell, PhDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
For example, you might write about the reasons why you forgot your friend’s birthday. What was going on that distracted you? How did your friend react? How did that make you feel?
Make sure that your apology is sincere and that you don’t make excuses for your actions. It is important to take full responsibility for your actions in order to show your friend that you really do feel bad. Say something simple like, “I am really sorry for _____. ”
For example, after reflecting on the experience of forgetting your friend’s birthday, you might decide that in the future you need to be more careful about remembering important dates and take steps to prevent a similar situation in the future.
For example, if you forgot your friend’s birthday, you might think to yourself, “I should have remembered that yesterday was her birthday!” This thought does not allow you to improve on your situation, it just makes you feel worse for forgetting your friend’s birthday. Change guilt statements to positive ones, such as “I am grateful for the reminder that my friends are important to me and the chance to demonstrate that to them in the future. ”
The next time you feel guilty about something, take a deep breath and stop beating yourself up. Instead, say something like, “I made a mistake, but that does not make me a bad person. ”[5] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Check with local hospitals, charities, and other organizations about volunteer opportunities. Even volunteering for a few hours per week may help you to overcome your guilt.
Consider going to a place of worship to pray with other people. Get into meditation or yoga. Spend time in nature and admire the beauty of the natural world
Keep in mind that feeling excessively guilty may be part of an underlying mental health condition that requires treatment. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what is going on and decide on the best course of action.
