Remember that many others have been in the same situation. Consider Myshkin Ingawale, an Indian inventor who had to test 32 prototypes of his technology before he found the one that worked. He could have given up and characterized himself as a failure after any of those roadblocks, but he kept focused on learning from his mistakes and applying them to the future, and now his invention has cut maternal death rates in rural India by 50%. [4] X Research source
Studies show that people who are successful usually don’t encounter fewer or more setbacks than people who aren’t. The key is entirely in how you interpret those setbacks. Don’t let them convince you that success is impossible. [8] X Research source Meeting your idealized results takes time and hard work. Success is a process. Don’t let any perceived failures prevent you from continuing that process. Don’t run from this process, but embrace it, knowing that it will only yield better results. Remember that you can’t control or predict everything. View unexpected variations or fluctuation as what they are: external elements beyond your control. Only account for what is in your control. Make sure your goals are realistic and obtainable.
Try to find smaller steps you can take towards your goals that you feel comfortable with. Think of any long term or large scale goals in terms of these small steps that you know you can accomplish.
Write your fears down in detail. Don’t be afraid to explore exactly why and what you fear. Accept that these fears are a part of you. Accepting your fears can help you to regain control over them.
Improving your future plans by keeping track of what works and what doesn’t will help ease the fear of failure. Learn to value failure. Failure is just as informative and valuable as success. Experiencing failure will allow you to learn from what didn’t work and will help you avoid that setback in future attempts. You will likely still encounter challenges, roadblocks, and setbacks, but you will be better equipped to overcome them with the knowledge you have gained.
Fear of failure is often only a broad level of understanding what the issue is. We may be afraid to fail, but failure is often tied to other ideas such as self-worth or self-image. There are links that trace fear of failure to shame. Examples of more specific fears may include being worried about losing security from a risky investment or being exposed to humiliation from your peers.
Examine the script in your head about this event. We often allow our thoughts to slip into predictable scripts that aren’t helpful. For example, if you’re working on an invention and the 17th try has just bombed, you might experience this script: “Yep, I’m never going to get this right. I’m a failure. ” The facts of the situation are simply that this try hasn’t worked. The facts say nothing about you as a person, or about the possibility of future success. Separate the facts from your script.
Studies have shown that professors who are perfectionists produce fewer research studies and papers than professors who are adaptive and open to critique. [17] X Research source Perfectionism can also make you more likely to develop mental health conditions such as depression and eating disorders.
Even if your main goal didn’t succeed, you can still have success if you learn from the experience. Focusing on only negative aspects will make the situation appear to be just that, entirely negative. By focusing on successes and positive aspects, you will learn what works and be better prepared for the future.
Reinforce your existing skills. Always keep up to date with any new best practices that might be employed in that skill set. Learn new skills. By learning new skills you will enrich your skill set and be better prepared for a wider variety of situations that might arise as you pursue your goals.
Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable. Everyone has moments when they feel uncomfortable or afraid of challenges, even incredibly successful billionaire businessmen. Acknowledge that this fear is natural and okay, and stop fighting it or repressing it. Instead, resolve to work even though you feel afraid. Remember to break down your larger goals into smaller ones. Having these smaller stages that you know you can accomplish will make the larger goal less intimidating. Moving forward will give you new information and allow you to adjust your course of action towards success.
Find a new hobby or activity that you are unskilled at. Start practicing and look forward to the failures you encounter, knowing that they will only increase your success in the future. For example, start playing a new instrument. Failures along the way to competency with this instrument will be common. These failures will give you many opportunities to get comfortable with failure. They will also show you that failure is not total or debilitating. Just because you fail the first hundred times you try to play the Moonlight Sonata doesn’t mean you’ll never get it right. You might also try asking strangers for simple things such as a mint or a discount when buying something. Your goal is to fail, reframing failure as success and nullifying the limiting effects fear can have on your behavior. [22] X Research source
Increased heart rate or irregular heart rhythm. Difficulty breathing or tightness in throat. Tingling, shaking, or sweating. Feeling light-headed, dizzy, or as if you are about to pass out.
Breath in slowly, for five seconds, through your nose. Use your diaphragm, not your chest, to breath in. Your stomach should rise with the breath, not your chest. Exhale at the same slow pace, again, through your nose. Make sure you fully exhale all the air in your lungs while focusing on counting to five. Repeat this cycle of breathing until you begin to feel calm.
You can tense and release all the muscles in your body at once, for a quick and full body relaxation technique. For greater relaxation, start by tensing the muscles in your feet, holding them for a few seconds, and then releasing the tension. Move up your body, tensing and releasing your lower leg, upper leg, stomach, back, chest, shoulders, arms, neck, and face.
Stop what you are doing. Whatever you’re doing, stop and take a step back from the situation. Give yourself some time to think before reacting. Take a deep breath. Take a few moments to cleanse yourself with a few deep breaths. This will restore oxygen to your brain and help you make clearer decisions. Observe what is going on. Ask yourself some questions. What is going on in your mind? What are you feeling? What is the “script” in your head right now? Are you considering the facts? Are you giving more weight to opinions? What are you focusing on? Pull back for perspective. Try to imagine the situation from the perspective of an impartial observer. What would she see in this situation? Is there another way of approaching this situation? How big is this situation in the grand scheme of things – will it even matter 6 days or 6 months from now? Proceed based on your principles. Go forth with what you know and have determined. Practice what is most in line with your values and goals.
Think how you’d counsel a friend. Imagine that it is a friend or loved one in your situation. Perhaps your best friend is afraid of leaving her day job to pursue her dream of becoming a musician. What would you tell her? Would you immediately imagine her failure, or would you find ways to support her? Give yourself the same compassion and belief that you would show a loved one. Think whether you’re generalizing. Are you taking one specific instance and generalizing it to your whole experience? For example, if your science project has not worked, are you extending that failure to every aspect of your life and saying something like “I’m a failure”?
For example, perhaps you are worried that if you change your college major to a subject that you really want to study but find challenging, you will fail. From there, your thoughts could spiral into catastrophizing: “If I fail this major I’ll flunk out of college. I’ll never find a job. I’ll have to live in my parents’ basement for the rest of my life and eat ramen noodles. I’ll never be able to date or get married or have kids. ” Obviously, this is an extreme case, but it’s an example of how fear can send your thoughts wildly out into left field. Try to put your thoughts into perspective. For example, if you’re afraid to change your college major because you’re worried you will fail, consider: what is the worst thing that could really happen, and how likely is it? In this case, the worst thing that happens is that you aren’t good at organic chemistry (or whatever subject attracts you) and fail a few courses. This is not a calamity. There are many actions you can take to help you get past these failures, such as hiring a tutor, studying more, and speaking with professors. The more likely situation is that you find your new subject difficult at first, but you learn and grow and finish college happy that you pursued your passion.
Look for evidence that contradicts your assumptions. For example, you may be worried about going to parties because you’re afraid you may say something foolish or make a joke that bombs. This fear of failure could keep you from enjoying social interactions with others. However, you could consider past experience and others’ experiences to help you get past this fear. For example, you could think about whether any of your friends or anyone you know has ever made a social faux pas. It’s practically guaranteed that you can think of someone who’s had a social slip-up. Did their mistake result in them being shunned or everyone viewing them as a failure? Probably not. The next time you find yourself fearing that you will encounter failure and be judged for it, remind yourself: “Everyone makes mistakes. I give myself permission to slip up or look silly. This will not make me a failure. ” If you do encounter people who are are harsh judges or overly critical, recognize that the problem is with them, not with you.
