For example, if someone insults you and it makes you mad, you have to recognize that, even if the remark was degrading or humiliating, you have a choice about how to react. You can get angry, cry, or storm off. Or, you can search inside yourself and remember that your well-being is not dependent on the opinions of others, then smile and walk away.
A fear of abandonment often is rooted in the fact that you might feel like you’re not good enough to be loved in a relationship. Identifying and challenging those thoughts is important to overcoming that fear. [4] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020. For example, you might fear that if your partner left you, you would feel unlovable and would never be able to find another relationship.
For instance, if you were abandoned by your mother or another female caretaker, you might feel like you can’t trust any women to remain in your life. Remind yourself that this is not a rational assumption to make, and that all people behave differently. [5] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
For instance, if your partner hasn’t texted you back in half an hour, your first reaction might be to think, “He’s getting tired of me and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. ” When this happens, ask yourself if that’s really the scenario that makes the most sense. It may be more likely that he’s busy talking to someone else or forgot to turn his phone’s ringer on after a meeting.
Meditation is a good way to get into the habit of mindfulness. Even as little as five or ten minutes of meditation a day can be helpful in becoming more mindful or your thoughts and emotions. Try downloading an app on your phone or watching a guided meditation video on YouTube to get started.
Practicing mindfulness can help you stop pushing others away. With a mindful perspective, you can examine your motives and choose to avoid impulsive, needy behavior. When you feel insecure, instead of acting on the emotion, try writing in a journal about why you feel that way. Another good option is to take a walk and think through your feelings. When you reach out to other people, start by asking, “Is this a good time to talk?” That way, if it’s not, they can just be honest, and you won’t be left guessing whether they’re distracted or they just don’t want to talk to you. [7] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
Consider whether seeking out more emotionally available partners would help you break the cycle of anxiety and abandonment. If you notice unhealthy patterns in your relationships, it may be helpful to see a therapist. A mental health professional can help you identify the source of these unhealthy patterns and teach you to develop skills that move you towards healthier, balanced relationships.
If one person decides to leave or is unavailable, you will still have other friends to fall back on. Cultivating friendships can also help you practice maintaining healthy relationships. [9] X Research source Build a strong support system by opening yourself up to the opportunity to find and make friends. Join a new club at school. Take a cooking class. Visit your local park more often. Or, start a volunteer service commitment to connect with people with the same interests as you.
To increase your self-esteem, try learning a new skill, volunteering to help others, or working on a personal project that’s important to you.
Some common emotional and behavioral reactions of fear of abandonment include: mood swings and fits of anger, as well as other behaviors that may alienate you from those you hold close. Other symptoms may include poor self-esteem, low self-worth, severe anxiety or panic attacks, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and difficulty adapting to change. Fear of abandonment can also impair the ability to trust others and experience. It may lead to co-dependence and associating with people who reinforce those negative thoughts.
You might also have had experiences that made you feel like you weren’t equal to your peers when you were a child. [13] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.
People with anxiety tend to expect the worst in a situation. For example, you might get anxious (e. g. your heartbeats fast and your palm sweats) when your partner does not immediately answer a phone call. You might worry that there has been an accident, or that the person is purposely avoiding you. In order to overcome anxiety, you must learn to challenge how realistic your thoughts are. Do you have reason to suspect your partner has been in an accident? Is there evidence to show he or she is ignoring you? To combat anxiety most effectively, it may be helpful to see a mental health therapist who has experience treating this condition.
As you learn to separate the past from the present, and recognize that your fears are not realistic expectations in your current life, you can begin to develop healthier coping skills to any emotional responses you may have in your daily life.
